thoughts deep and heavy, like the snow . . .

It’s 4:45 on a Friday morning, and I can’t sleep and I’m thinking about . . .

1. This phrase:

Be kind

The tricky thing is when “everyone” includes your husband and his hard battle is living with you.

2. Um, and you with him.

The oatmeal: “why working at home is both awesome and horrible” (rated R)

3. Co-parenting is hard, yo?*  Pat and I recently ‘fessed up to the fact that we each do okay with the kids on our own, and we do okay with each other without the kids, but trying to deal with the kids together drives us up the wall.

4. And in my moods where I tie life the universe and everything together metaphysically while preparing the girls’ fifth snack of the morning, I think . . . marriage and co-parenting are so hard that, no wonder people don’t do it as much, in a society where marriage isn’t required for (a) men to get sex and (b) women to have financial security and children.  At the same time, I mean, I like living at a time when I could support myself and where single mothers aren’t ostracized and marginalized.


5. On a related note, here’s this short article, about the role government played in the crumbling of black families, and how that fits in with the lingering spiritual ramifications of slavery.

Oh yikes, heavy.

6. This article by Dave Barry was funny: The Greatest (Party) Generation.

Dave Barry, “The Greatest (Party) Generation”

I don’t know how accurate it is, but I like his point that

We modern parents. . . rarely pause to celebrate the way our parents did because we’re too busy parenting. We never stop parenting. We are all over our kids’ lives—making sure they get whatever they want, removing obstacles from their path, solving their problems and—above all—worrying about what else will go wrong, so we can fix it for them. . . .

Yes, we’ve gotten really, really good at parenting. This is fortunate, because for some inexplicable reason a lot of our kids seem to have trouble getting a foothold in adult life, which is why so many of them are still living with us at age 37.

They’re lucky they have us around.

7. I dread errands where I have to get the kids bundled up, into the car, then out of the car into a public place with lots of havoc to be wrought, then back in the car again.  Just with two kids, it’s a pain (especially when the process throws my back out), and I love M.T.’s witty post about doing it with four: Dear Navy Federal, Get a Drive-Through.

Click back to This Ain’t the Lyceum for more Quick Takes. Thanks for hosting Kelly!

* I mean in the strictly literal sense, of parenting along with the other parent, not just where the parents are divorced or separated.

10 thoughts on “thoughts deep and heavy, like the snow . . .

  1. Thanks for linking to me!
    I laughed at the work from home comic! So, so true. My husband worked from home for about 3.5 years and I totally relate! I know women who thought I was sooo lucky and I really couldn’t say why that wasn’t true without sounding like an ungrateful, mean wretch. . . . 😉
    Now when he’s home during the day (snow days) and wanders around in the kitchen looking for food, or comments on my homeschooling or meal schedule or disciplining or whatever it is, I remember why I’m so glad for that away from home office and in the proper delineation of parenting roles that it assists in!

  2. #3 totally applies to us. Also vacations! Ugh! Without kids (we’ve done it once in 5 years) it is great. We can also each take the kids on day trips alone and it’s fine. But if we do a big trip together, as a family, with kids, somehow it is more stressful than alone! It is like we expect more help from the other vs hunkering down and getting through.

  3. re: #4 Craig and Ryan were once speculating in which historical period they wish they could have lived. I had to answer “now!” It’s seemingly the only time that hasn’t completely sucked for women.

    • Right?! I feel like most (white) men can think philosophically about this question, whereas I’m thinking yeah right, like I’d want to live at any other time in history than right now, in a Western country that recognizes women as people.

  4. #1- my thoughts exactly. And for #3 I find it harder when I’m solo parenting, esp. when Tim is working from home all day and then has to go out in the evenings- ugh. BUT when we’re co-parenting I struggle when he’s around but busy b/c I feel all “why do I have to do everything by myself?!” and become a self-righteous grouch…which leads back to your comment on #1.

  5. YES to numbers one and two. I haven’t had a full time job since we moved to Georgia (though I’m looking), and it makes things… difficult. And we can do chores separately, but trying to do them together, at the same time, in the same room, is insanity.

  6. I loved that Dave Barry essay! My parents grew up in Westchester too. My father grew up in a very Mad Men-esque center hall colonial and his parents definitely had a lot of fun with their neighbor friends. And my grandma is still alive and well, pushing 90 now, so it didn’t kill her young! Dave and I are pretty boring, it’s true, but we’d love to find friends who enjoy to drink. Not excessively of course, but it seems like most of the couples we meet who are our age don’t like drinking, or can’t because of gluten intolerance or pregnancy and breastfeeding. [Which doesn’t stop me…] It does seem like everyone worries about everything these days!

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