Friday Link Love June 5, 2015, Plus More About the Duggars

1. I enjoyed John Janaro’s post about his lovely family and about learning the value of being there for your family, even if you can’t do all the things you’d like to.

2. I’m excited for Ben & Anna Hatke’s summer in Italy, isn’t that picture of Anna and her girls the sweetest?  And I think Anna has her capsule wardrobe down to a science.

3. Also, I appreciated Erica’s post, sharing her experience with postpartum depression, especially her insight that “Looking back, I know that I should’ve talked to my doctor about postpartum depression. But when I was in the thick of it, I couldn’t make proper decisions for myself.”

4.  Pat and I have moving on our minds, and he mentioned a hilarious skit from Portlandia about a pair of movers who use a bicycle instead of a truck.  Ridiculous, right?  Except that, in Portland, it’s actually a thing.

This news clip is almost as funny as the Portlandia sketch (which is not available on YouTube).  At about point 1:07  in the video, a guy says something to the effect of, “When it’s just two guys and a truck, it takes hours, but if you have sixty-nine people with bicycles, it only takes a matter of minutes.”

I mean, yeah, if I had that many people helping me move, it would going pretty quickly even if we did it on foot!

5. Caroline’s post about the Duggars and Gothard Institute got me thinking more on the subject.

My impression is that a lot of Catholics are inclined to support the Duggars.  The Duggars don’t use birth control and they homeschool and they support traditional marriage.  So their belief system seems similar, on the surface, to Catholicism.  I never watched their show much or read their books, but I think I had that general inclination too.

As I’ve read various things about Bill Gothard  and his Institute, and the Duggars’ connections to it, I became more inclined not to think of the Duggars as part of “my team.”  This was the case even before the scandal broke, although I didn’t follow the show much so it wasn’t an important issue for me.

The Duggars are not “my people.”  Well, I can’t say that about them personally because I don’t know them.  But that whole school of thinking, which they seem to subscribe to, is not “my side.”

I think about this because my natural tendency is to rally around people I think of as “my side.” It’s an ISFJ thing, but a lot of people have the same tendency.  Take politics, for example.  It’s easy to think of Republicans as good guys and Democrats as bad guys (or vice versa!).

More and more, though, I see that we’re all just weak and fallen and we all have the potential to be good or bad guys, and to switch from one to the other depending on the choices we make on given day.

It’s normal to rally around and give the benefit of the doubt to someone we have a personal relationship with.  But it’s better to be cautions about doing the same with someone we don’t know, if even they seem to have all the right boxes checked.

And what I’m trying to get at here is that reality t.v. is not a good ministry tool.

The Duggars are poor poster children for Christianity.  (I’m sure they said all sorts of things like, “Oh we’re not perfect.”  But come on.)  For that matter, though, which of us is a poster child for Christianity?  (By which I do not mean to imply, as some have, that sexual abuse is no worse than any other sin.)  It’s dangerous to put ourselves in poster-children shoes.  We should “let our light shine” but keep it on a more personal level.  And we should be careful about putting others on a pedestal.

There’s a good reason the Catholic Church doesn’t canonize people until they’re dead!

6. Oh dear, so much has been written about this poor person already, but I like Pia deSolenni’s post on Caitlyn (nee Bruce) Jenner’s cover photo in Vanity Fair: “[T]he cover photo suggests that a woman’s identity is based on whether she’s able to arouse a man. And it’s not original in that regard.”

7. I enjoyed Rachel’s post about morning sickness, because just the other day, my chiropractor asked me, “Have you tried ginger?” when I told him I’ve been nauseous.  Being the people pleaser I am, I told him I would give ginger yet another try.

And yes, actually, I am pregnant!  I never know how to announce it, so here it is, a little bonus 8th quick take for those who stuck it through my diatribe about the Duggars.  Baby #3 will arrive in early- to mid-December.  We’ll find out in late July whether it’s Girl 3 or Boy 1.  The girls are very excited.  Girl 1 is insistent that it’s a boy, and that we’re naming him Joseph Henken. (??)  She also tells me, “Wow Mommy, your tummy is already just as big as it can be!”

Have a lovely weekend.  If you need to find me, I’ll probably be on the couch.  Click over to This Ain’t the Lyceum for more quick takes.

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53 thoughts on “Friday Link Love June 5, 2015, Plus More About the Duggars

  1. 🙂 🙂 🙂 You pinned a few maternity things a while back and I was bursting to ask you, but I controlled myself. Congratulations!!

  2. I stuck around and got the bonus news!! woohoo!! so excited for you and your family. God is so very, very good!! I hope your feeling better soon. Yay for baby #3!!

  3. Praying for you and baby! I hope you get relief from your morning sickness soon.
    Thank you for sharing my story. 🙂

  4. I agree with you on the Duggars. I was raised in a similar environment, and now I’m Catholic. I can tell you they are QUITE different. They don’t believe in NFP, they believe women are to be subservient to men (not just their husbands), and they should have as much children as physically possible. Not to mention they to view all sin as “equal,” which is why they are downplaying this abuse and continuing to hold up Josh as an example. I could go on and on, but Elizabeth Esther has addressed this well. http://www.elizabethesther.com/journal/

  5. Congratulations!!!! UGH, morning sickness stinks. Seriously. Because I’m sure you want one more person’s advice . . . what “worked” for me was eating protein. Lots and lots of it. I’d have chicken four times a day. (I couldn’t look at it raw without you know what, so P would cook up giant batches every couple of days.)

    Also, I’m with you as far as the Duggers are concerned. I kind of have this love/hate thing with them, and have for a while. I love that they are pro-family, pro-homeschooling, pro-religion . . . BUT, when I started looking deeper . . . it just doesn’t sit right with me.

    • Thanks Rachel. And yes, getting enough protein is key. It’s tough b/c I can’t stand cooking meat myself. Pat grilled a bunch of meat a month or so ago but the smell was more than I could bear. I gagged at the smell in the refrigerator every time I opened it. Pat ended up eating it all himself. :-/

  6. Yay! Congratulations! I hope you’re feeling….as un-nauseous as possible.

    I feel like in today’s culture that I do want to cheer for anyone who is living any faith in public. Obviously I didn’t agree with different aspects of the Duggar’s before this all happened and thought it wasn’t great in a lot of ways, but it is really disappointing that now people will ask questions if we have a lot of kids or homeschool if we’re like the Duggars! As if no one with small families or in public school has ever been the victim of abuse. It’s just so sad to me on so many levels.

    • Thanks Christy, and yes, those comparisons to the Duggars are difficult. . . . Reality t.v. seeks out the extremes, doesn’t it? But then people don’t realize they’re extremes. It’s easy to think–lots of kids –> must be like the Duggars!

  7. Congrats on your pregnancy!!! I’ve had horrible morning sickness each time too. It took until my 5th pregnancy to get zofran (I had one miscarriage 3 years ago but still had morning sickness). It totally took the edge off and got me functioning. All my friends that are nurses or working moms take it. Sahm’s need to function too!!
    On another note that Bill Gotham article was so crazy and explains a lot. I can’t see how the Duggars are brushing this off as “wrong that Juvenal records are released”. And I think this whole “while asleep, over clothes” is to protect the perceived purity of the victims. I was pretty shocked because I actually really liked Michelle Duggar. She was always so patient with her kids and well spoken and made homeschooling look doable. But it shows that with these extreme religions problems creep in. I see this as a total tragedy that those girls were exposed to this from an older brother. If a stranger did the same thing (a 13-15 year old boy) the Duggars –and all the Christians defending them–would be singing a different tune.

    • Thanks Lauren. Yeah, I’m taking Unisom, which is an OOTC but same active ingredient as Diclegis. It helps a lot. It’s taken until this pregnancy for me to try it. . . . Only problem is it makes me sleepy. It’s marketed as a sleeping pill actually. So I take it at night. Then I feel okay through the following morning. The afternoons are rough, but it’s gradually getting better.

  8. Congratulations!!!! If you need to catch a nap, please feel free to drop the girls over here some afternoon 🙂 Ellie would probably love some playmates.

  9. Congrats on baby #3! And, yes to that e-card! Whenever Nathan would come home while I was in the first trimester and ask (not in a mean way) what I did all day, I would say, “Hey I gestated this baby all day, anything I do on top of that is gravy.”

  10. that same quotation from the Bruce Jenner article jumped out at me, as well! it’s strikes right at the heart of the fundamental problem with “gender studies” and “trans gender” and all things “gender”: it reduces the human person to his or her sexual appeal, sexual appetites, and the physical act of sex, without regard to any of the emotional, biological, physical, or psychological aspects.

  11. I was THIS close to going to a chiropractor for the nausea when it began to finally began to ease up considerably. Let me know what you think though about how it helps this pregnancy vs the previous two (I don’t think you saw a chiropractor then?).

  12. Your links are always so thought provoking! I found the one about Jenner and the two about the Duggars especially interesting. Those poor people! The Duggars were always “too” something for me, too strange, too controlling of the kids . . . but I did tend to think that was me nitpicking them. But now? “helping to groom and shame victims” is right! Your previous post about the inexcusableness of the reality show and the shame that those girls will carry because of their parents’ decisions to go public with their entire lives really struck me too. . . .

    And congrats on the baby!!! I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy!

  13. Ahhhhhh! Exciting! Congratulations and happy baby-gestating! (And, also, moving-by-bike…oh Portland…I betcha it’s been at least attempted. I was driving down a road the other day and wondering if I had missed a sign and if cars were even allowed on said road because of sheer number of bikes!)

  14. Congrats, Laura and Pat! I missed this announcement, so when I saw the Stitch Fix post I thought, “what?!” 🙂 so I had to come here to tell you congrats! I’m praying for you!

  15. I was originally intrigued by the Duggars because they came at the heels of the “So-and So and Kate Plus 8” thing. It was a relief that a large family could be portrayed as semi-peaceful. Up to that point it seemed like every big family had to be chaotic on television. But then last year I learned more about their ties with that creeper dude and lost interest.

  16. I am very against rallying around a person/people (when they are under scrutiny) for any reason other than you personally know them (and even then, only if you really know something about the situation). It’s one of my biggest pet-peeves to see people stick up for someone or something just because they have some tie to something. One of the ones that drives me THE MOST crazy, though, is when Christians/Catholics rally around someone just because the other person is Christian/Catholic. As if that automatically makes that person in the right and some kind of martyr. Because, obviously, Christians/Catholics would NEVER sin, right? So they couldn’t possibly have done ______. To me, just because you identify as something (Catholic, Patriots Fan, JMU alum, etc.) doesn’t actually mean anything to me. I know what it could POTENTIALLY mean but outside of that, that’s all the information I have. Plus, if the situation was exactly the same except the family was Muslim, I wonder how many Christians and Catholics would be shaking their heads thinking “if only they were Christian.”

  17. Um, I totally missed the pregnancy announcement until today. Sorry for dropping the ball and also congratulations!!!!!!!!!! 🙂

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